YES! (Year-End Summaries)

2008, in general was a blast. There were ups and downs, peaks and valleys, love and hatred, and tons of emotional havoc and mayhem.

In short, 2008 was the year for bipolar.

In this blog, I want it to be short and concise, yet, accurate and realistic. I'll be enumerating all of the 12 months and I'll try to associate the first word or phrase that comes to my mind to describe the given month. (like WORD ASSOCIATION technique in PSYCHOLOGY) gets?!

in 5, 4, 3, 2, and... 1!

JANUARY - "bubbly"

FEBRUARY - "black valentine"

MARCH - "regularized"

APRIL - "kabit"

MAY - "platinum"

JUNE - "realization"

JULY - "bipolar"

AUGUST - "new love"

SEPTEMBER - "anniversary"

OCTOBER - "canada"

NOVEMBER - "secret lovers"

DECEMBER - "caffeine connections"

***I'm looking forward have a fruitful start in 2009!

kriskringle.

Aside from DSLR, Laptop, and a cute yellow lavalamp (which I hope, I'll be buying soon), I think I have almost everything. This Christmas, I want these non-material and intagible set of gifts.

My grown up christmas list:

• Chance.
  
• Courage.
  
• Fortitude.
• Wisdom.
• Contentment.
• Creativity.
• Passion.
• Warmth.
• Love.
• Happiness.
• Hope.
• Charity.
• Neutrality.
• Faith.
• Prudence.
• Acceptance.
• Commitment.
• Excellence.
• Sensitivity.
• Tranquility.
  

I wonder, who can give me these...
I can't wait to open my gifts this Christmas.

nothing beats stress...

...except shopping.



after a year of hard work.
it's time to indulge myself.
it's proven, i am an impulsive buyer.
and my weakness are shoes and jackets.

=)

...are you resolved on going to Seattle, or do you mind if we do something different?"

As long as the "WE" part was in, I didn't care anything else.

longlostfriend.

Its been a while since my last "pondered" entry.


I was about to go out tonight, but i switch minds (why?! 'cause i haven't sleep yet, I've been up for almost 24 hrs now.)

Anyway, I received a very odd call just this morning, literally early in the morning, it was around 4am and it was from my long lost friend.

And I don't mind sharing it.


LLF: Are you up?

ME: I am now. why? got problems?

LLF: yeah, im drunk

ME: yeah, you are drunk. ...

ME: so how's it going? what had happened? it's beens ages ago since we've last met and talked.

LFF: yeah it's been ages, can i confide something? (LLF states the prob)

LFF: *crying/sobbing* while saying things over and over again (the real score, bitterness, sweet moments, how many bottles of beers he had, valium, our classmates, and ironically, wedding (to think he's sexual preference is different).


***to cut the story short. LFF got a huge problem with his partner, indulge himself with numerous bottles of vodka and beer, and overdosed on valium (i dont think it was OD, 'cause luckily he's still alive and sane at nakakatawag pa nga diba?)


i talked to him for almost an hour. Thankfully he listened.
LIFEGUARD!







***I am really considering this as a business. I should invest in online and tele-counseling. i think i can make tons of money out of it. Thank yous are great but i need professional fees. Haha!

T'was nice seeing someone recovered from all the hardships and pains. I am so loving the counselor/psychologist mode.

single ladies.

angels and demons

death.bed

Acute Tonsillitis, Pharyngitis (ATP)

This was the reason why i stayed in the four-boring-corners of makati med.

After four long days of boredom, blunt and tasteless food (not to mention the porridge and banana party), pain, teeth-chattering coldness, non-stop syringe poking game, every hour monitoring (blow-by-blow blood pressure and temperature check), guessing game (where's and who's my nurse today), let's get high on different over-the-counter drugs, and say AAAAAHHHHHH!



Finally, I mm FREE!!! I missed home. I missed everyone, my pets, my family, my friends, and ironically my work. I missed my pc and my net so much. =))



I definitely thank God, he answered my prayers that my tonsils were all good, not swell and sore, cause otherwise, i wont be here, and perhaps any minute now I am inside the operating room, and all the doctors are cut-slashing my throat.

turnbacktime

namiss ko lng to...

life is like a pack of chocnuts...

...you'll never know if it's durog or not.

secret.lovers

Secret lovers, that's what we are.

There's no formality, no monthsaries or anniversaries, there is neither commitment nor exclusivity, and there are no other definition of relationship other than friendship.

It's almost been 3 long years since the first time I met you. Back then, we were just strangers, staring at each others eyes. Now, you're not just a stranger who sees me superficially, but a close friend that i love dearly, who knows me inside and out.

We've shared tons of moments, moments that you usually see with close friends. But sometimes we've cross the thin line between friendship and intimate relationship: we go on dates, I go to your school, we watch movies, we do karaoke, we do telebabad till the wee hours of morning, we text each other, we missed each other, we carry each others bags, I go to your place, or what-not.

We both know that there's something between us. Something that not everyone could explain, not even the shrewdest man on the planet. Something that our hearts could only tell and could only feel, there's an invisible chord that binds us that is primarily made of love, care, and friendship.

Love grows.

And now, I am very much afraid. Any moment, my vulnerability will soon eat me, sooner or later, I'll snap. I hate to admit it, but I am falling. Though, I know you might be falling, I see it every time we're together, every time i look into your eyes, and every time I hold you in my arms.

Still, I am afraid, afraid of being rejected. I am so scared that I might lose you in the end. What if these are just delusions? And that these are just stupid hunches that you might be falling.

I know, I am the guy, and I should take chances and tell. It's not easy, it happened before, and i don't want to feel that same old crappy feeling.

I may be coward, insensitive, selfish, or what-have-you... But it's HARD.

As the old cliché states, friendship is the root of any intimate relationships. However, more-often-than-not, LOVE kills FRIENDSHIP.

I am torn with this stupid ambiguity: to stay as friends or to take risks, to just give up and let friendship grows or go and chase pavements and have hopes.


We're secret lovers. We love each other so much, but we're doing it secretly.






if i could only tell you my secret...
...that I am madly in love with you.

im not moving...

Going back to the corner where I first saw you,
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move,
Got some words on cardboard got your picture in my hand,
Saying if you see this girl can you tell her where I am,
Some try to hand me money they don't understand,
I'm not, broke I'm just a broken hearted man,
I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do,
How can I move on when I'm still in love with you...

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

Policeman says son you can't stay here,
I said there's someone I'm waiting for if it's a day, a month, a year,
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows,
If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go.

People talk about the guy
Who's waiting on a girl...
There are no holes in his shoes
But a big hole in his world...

and maybe I'll get famous as man who can't be moved,
And maybe you won't mean to but you'll see me on the news,
And you'll come running to the corner...
Cos you'll know it's just for you

I'm the man who can't be moved
I'm the man who can't be moved...

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

Going back to the corner where I first saw you,
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag not I'm not gonna move.

creative juices...

...where are you now?

i feel so dumb at the moment.
can say many.
cant write any.

now playing...

i used to rule the world.

='(

i am sad...


















...and i don't know why.

heaven sent

I wanna be the one who you believe
In your heart is sent from (sent from heaven)
There's a piece of me who leaves when you gone
Because you're sent from (sent from heaven)

mataya, taya!

Man is a born winner and a gamer.
He wouldn't try nor continue a game if he thinks he will lose in the end...

In this game called love, you should always give motives. Otherwise, he will not see you, nor play with you.

And in this game, you should let him know that he will definitely win in the end.

where's my mara?

...i'm still waiting for you to come.

taken by cars...

nostaglia...

hanggang ngayon, gusto ko pa din to... =P

sniff and sad

sigh...

im so missing your smell...
namiss ko na yung *romantic wish lotion mo...


miss na kita.

kundiman...

Para kang asukal
Sintamis mong magmahal
Para kang pintura
Buhay ko ikaw ang nagpinta
Para kang unan
Pinapainit mo ang aking tiyan
Para kang kumot na yumayakap
Sa tuwing ako’y nalulungkot

Kaya’t wag magtataka
Kung bakit ayaw kitang maawala...

...Kung hindi man tayo hanggang dulo
Wag mong kalimutan
Nandito lang ako
Laging umaalalay
Di ako lalayo
Dahil ang tanging panalangin ko ay ikaw...

Di baleng maghapon umulan
Basta’t ikaw ang sasandalan
Liwanag ng lumulubog na araw
Kay sarap pagmasdan
Lalo na pag nasisinagan ang iyong mukha
Hinding-hindi magsaawa
Ayoko ng magsawa

Bahala na, ayoko muna magsalita
Hayaan na muna natin ang hatol ng tadhana...

kundiman

basag...

basag.

define kalasingan... ito ako ngayon.


inom sa providence (5 na san mig). umuwi. natulog ng 4 hrs. gumising. pumuntang bed space sa GB3. dinner. inom (4 na san mig). sumunod sa temple. inom (3 bacardi sprite + 2 beers). lumipat sa coco cabana. inom (5 na san mig). bumalik sa providence. inom ulit (5 na san mig).



ito ay naganap sa iisang araw lng... kakauwi ko lng... at ako'y basag na basag...

pota... ang sakit ng ulo ko...

salamat...

...kasi nandiyan ka parati.
...kasi lagi mo akong naiintindihan.
...kasi lagi mo akong kinakamusta.
...kasi mahal mo ako, at alam ko yun.
...kasi napapasaya mo ako.
...kasi dinadalaw mo ako.
...kasi hindi ka nagbago.
...kasi pinapahalagahan mo ako.
...kasi inaaliw mo ako lalo na pag malungkot ako.


...kasi bestfriend kita.


...sayo Tuken... =P



kahit minsan tarantado ka.
kahit na lahat ng kagaguhan e nasayo.


masaya ako kasi bespren kita, at hndi mo ako iniwan...


salamat ulit... pakyu ka! pandak!

turning japanese... =P

nokie rocks!

i love my anime me

when happpiness ends...

...sadness comes

ala eh!: the batangas joyride

SAT
Meet up at KFC. Kumain. Sumakay sa bus papuntang Lipa. Bumaba sa Rob Lipa. Nag ice cream. Nag bye bye. Sumakay ulit ng Bus pabalik ng Manila. Dumating sa bahay at natulog.

SUN
Pumunta sa Buendia. Sumakay ng Bus pa Lipa. Bumaba sa Rob Lipa. Kumain. Sumakay ng Bus pa Manila. Bumaba sa Buendia. Nag cab pa MOA. Nag-ikot. Kumain. Hinatid sa work si "someone". Umuwi ng bahay.






***ganito ba ako ka-sweet? hinatid ko ang isang tao papuntang batangas, umuwi, at kinabukasan bumalik uli sa batangas para sunduin ko siya para sabay kami umuwi ng Manila...





i enjoyed traveling with you... as we share our interest, as our hands are intertwined, as we laugh, as i hug you, and as i look into your eyes and melt...

upon writing this, im missing your fruity smell, your sweet kisses, and the warmth of your embrace... every minute i crave for your presence...

happiness...

EUPHORIC.
ELATED.
BLISSFUL.
ECSTATIC.



***these are my feelings...
and I'm loving it...

wish granted...

im happy...

i really had a great time...

i just got home...

im so loving it...

i wish we had tons of time...



that was really a wonderful daybreak...




wish granted...

boredom sucks!

im so bored...

i want to go out...

i wanna be with someone...

do anything... watch a movie, have a dvd marathon, have some coffee, have some chit-chats, drink or smoke with someone...

i'll go out with someone... anyone...




i wanna do it now... as in now...

let's celebrate!

it's my favorite nephew's birthday... he turned 8. cool. the original plan was to go to enchanted since he hasnt been there, of course due to unavoidable circumstances, tito and tita schedule mayhem, it was changed.


Plan B. just go to manila ocean park.
waaaaaaaaaaah! the queue was super long... kamusta naman... ang number namin was 156, and that time they're currently servicing 659. kmusta naman... aantayin namin umulit.
shet.
after 2 1/2 hrs of waiting... finally... nakapasok na... thank god!
ok naman... typical aquatic center, madaming isda at tubig. yeah!
(for the pix click here)

in short, masaya lng... tulakan, akala mo may artista... c'mon! andmi daming tao...
shet ulit!

we went to greenbelt for a dinner, then videoke... tpos ayun... kmi yung nag enjoy hndi yung may birthday...



***of course im the official photographer











another reason to celebrate...
...it should be our 3rd anniversary...
it's sad... but still cool...
up to this day, i still love and missed her...

...and it makes me wanna scream!

Sun has fallen from the sky
Stars no longer shining
Purple sky has turned gray
And it makes me want to
Scream

Moon no longer giving light
Us no longer talking
Rain would not shower love
And it makes me want to
Scream

***super namiss ko tong kantang to...

aray...

what's new... ito nasasaktan na naman ako...
again, bitterness...

reason?

kung hndi ba naman ako gago't kalahati...


NOTE TO SELF:

cge i-view mo pa ang mga profile at posts ng mga EX mo...
ayan... tpos ngayon masasaktan ka...

tumigil ka nga... nagmumukha ka na namang loser! mamaya akalain nilang hinahabol mo sila...

feeling mo naman magaling na yang sugat mo at binabakbak mo na namang yang mga scabs... ayan, gago ka kasi... dumugo ulit... mahapdi dba?

ano? uulit kapa???



***mga pakingshet sila! lagi nalang nila ko sinasaktan...
mga tarantadong ex...

i really hate that i love you... pakyu!

i hate you.
i hate you for being so child-like.
i hate you because you do not know how to appreciate things.
i hate you for not being sweet.
i hate you for not knowing where my house is.
i hate you because you're taking me for granted.
i hate you for not remembering my birthday.
i hate you because you do not know how to say "sorry".
i hate you for not replying whenever i'm sending sweet messages.
i hate you because you only call me if you need things or have a huge favor.
i hate you because it's very much difficult for you to say "thank you".
i hate you for just smiling sweetly whenever i'm mad.
i hate you because you so insensitive.
i hate you for not loving me...

despite all of those hatred...

I'm madly in-love with you...

and i really hate myself for not having any guts to say how or what i feel,
that i truly love you...

filthy-50

One, two, I'm in-love with you.
Three, four, you said "no more".
Five, six, I tried to fix.
Seven, eight, Is this our fate?
Nine, ten, you have other men.

Eleven, twelve, go and help yourself.
Thirteen, fourteen, 'cause you won't win.
Fifteen, sixteen, haven't you seen
Seventeen, eighteen, I'm lean and mean.
Nineteen, twenty, and you look so ugly.

Twenty-one, twenty-two, I now hate you.
Twenty-three, twenty-four, you're such a whore.
Twenty-five, twenty-six, 'cause you suck dicks.
Twenty-seven, twenty-eight, so what's your rate?
Twenty-nine, thirty, you look so filthy.

Thirty-one, thirty-two, and I pity you.
Thirty-three, thirty-four, you look like a boar.
Thirty-five, thirty-six, have you seen your cheeks?
Thirty-seven, thirty-eight, you don't have dates.
Thirty-nine, forty, 'cause you're too crappy.

Forty-one, forty-two, and I'll show you.
Forty-three, forty-four, that there is more.
Forty-five, forty-six, there's no magic tricks.
Forty-seven, forty-eight, it's not too late.
Forty-nine, fifty, that I'm fucking happy.

i think i'm in love...

...

when a hot girlfriend comes...

memories killl...

...a love that lives in the heart can not be so easily terminated by time. Even though the encounter is brief, its impression shall last a lifetime. No one can change the direction of love that lives in the heart. If you have loved, that itself is the answer...

sa letrang I - 22 - BINGO!

Thought my birthday sucks...

I have work.
My family isn't complete.
I can't be with my friends.
I'm f***king tired.
My net is down.


At least few of you remembered my day (you know who you are).

... and someone surprised me with a cake. Sweet.

Thanks for bringing back the smile I once lost... You really made me happy. You completed my day! Again, Thanks!


***my birthday was last tuesday 07.29.2008

bambam bi dambambam...

disturbing...



***stop the EMO mode. It's time to party!

caffeine connections...

Coffee day with a friend.
Talked pretty much everything.
And realized tons of things.

Here are few realizations:


Falling in love is like eating donuts, even though you know they have holes and they’re incomplete, still, you would choose and eat them. If you really love someone, do not let flaws and imperfections thwart you from falling.

Love is a very strong word.

Love correlates almost to anything and everything.

When you say, “I love you” to someone, it’s just like saying that you’re ready to be hurt again.

Life in general is not a lesson, even though you do advance readings, it won't guarantee you a perfect score.

Destiny is not merely a circumstance, sometimes you need to make a move to make it happen.

Just cross the bridge when you get there, do not over-think, stick with the present, do not let paranoia eat you.

When you're uncertain, take risks, if you fail, you have an excuse - You're not sure.

Give the benefit of the doubt, do not jump into conclusions.

When flirting, do not ask or include any work-related topics, it will ruin your moment.

If you missed someone, tell them. It won't hurt you if sometimes you swallow your pride.

Be optimist, always see a half-filled glass of water as HALF-FULL, rather than as half-empty.

In having long relationships, always look for a best friend , rather than just a partner.

Even if you have certain standards and criteria in falling in love. When you find that person, they would always be an exception.



LIVE. LOVE. LAUGH.
***can't wait for the next session...

sleep...

Tonight's the first night
You're no longer in my arms
A little colder
Nothing but the darkness and the stars

My hand wanders through
The space where you used to be
I really wish that you'd
Still come home to me

Until then I'll sleep
Sleep.

Remember yesterday
When your smile filled every room
Imagined forever with you
Now you're gone too soon

I can feel you calling
There's no place that I'd rather be
Just here with you, sleeping
If only in my mind

Until then I'll sleep
Sleep.

I can feel you calling
There's no place that I'd rather be
Just here with you, sleeping
If only in my mind

Until then I'll sleep
Sleep.

dopamine...

LOVE.
is it REAL?
or just a CHEMICAL REACTION?

dynamic thinker...

Dynamic Thinkers are confident and independent persons. They radiate enthusiasm and energy. Dynamic Thinkers pursue their objectives actively and energetically. They love nothing better than new challenges. This type is the born leader, competent, energetic and responsible. They have a sharp eye for errors and can criticise without mercy if they see the success of a project endangered. They are completely unconcerned as to whether they alienate anyone in the process. But they are always open to objective arguments; they love discussions, they are very gifted rhetorically and they are good at convincing and enthusing others.

As they are very sociable, Dynamic Thinkers like to have a lot of friends around them, preferably those with whom they can share their interests and discuss all sorts of subjects. They are very direct but never in an underhand or scheming manner. If you can bear being spoken to frankly, you have in them a loyal and unwavering advisor as friend. Everything new and unknown stimulates Dynamic Thinkers and awakens their curiosity. However, rules, routine and traditional things arouse their resistance. If something does not go the way they want it to, they can react rather pigheadedly and obstinately.

what would you get?

No sir
Well I don't wanna be the blame, not anymore
It's your turn to take a seat
We're settling the final score

And why do we like to hurt so much?

I can't decide
You have made it harder just to go on
And why, all the possibilities
Well I was wrong

That's what you get when you let your heart win,
That's what you get when you let your heart win,
I drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating
And that's what you get when you let your heart win,

I wonder
How am I supposed to feel when you're not here?
Coz' I've burned every bridge I ever built
When you were here

I still try
Holding on to silly things, I never learn
Oh why, all the possibilities
I'm sure you've heard

Pain, make your way to me, to me
And I'll always be just so inviting
If I ever start to think straight
This heart will start a riot in me
Let's start, start

Why do we like to hurt so much?
Oh, why do we like to hurt so much?
That's what you get when you let your heart win,

That's what you get when you let your heart win,
That's what you get when you let your heart win,
Now I can't trust myself with anything but this

And that's what you get
when you let your heart win.

a happy loser's day...

a broken heart
+
P.S. I LOVE YOU
+
the rain
= a melodramatic life



but hey, i still look good...
right?






***why in the world i watched p.s. i love you today...
i should have followed my instincts to stick with the indie films...
now, i feel like a loser... (a good looking loser)

newbie...

I need to get out to crazy world of friendster, multiply, and facebook...
I need to find myself again... to find the missing pieces of the shattered me...


Here... I'm on my own... there will be no people who will judge me, my emotions, nor my thoughts...

Here, i will have my freedom, freedom to write things, to express what i really feel, without hesitations, without limitations, and not bothering of what people might think.

This is my tranquility, this is me... =P